Monday, September 1, 2014

A little background on me

Growing up I was pretty fit with out really trying. In the summer I would spend all day, every day at the pool. I also did cheerleading for 3 years followed by drill team. I still had body image issues but for the most part I was pretty comfortable with who I was and how I looked. Once I was no longer in drill team, I dropped weight and then 6 months to a year later it started to come back. I still stayed thin and relatively fit with out really trying.

After high school, I went on to Texas A&M where I lived in the dorms. I walked or rode my bike all over campus. I did gain some weight but I managed to stay close to my high school weight. I did get to the point where I would no longer wear shorts outside of the house and would only wear capri pants. I lived on campus during all of college so this helped to keep my weight down.

After college came a desk job which means a little more weight was put on. After breaking up with my long term boyfriend who had a ring and was ready for marriage, a little weight came off. A little while later a cute boy who was in most of my geography classes sent me an email with a picture of him meeting Green Day. We had kept in touch after college and we soon found out that we were both single. After talking for a couple of weeks, I went to visit him for Mardi Gras and as the saying goes, the rest is history.

About 14 months later my husband and I were married! With each stage weight has been gained. After we started dating a little weight was added, after we got married a little weight was added, after we moved to the Houston area a little weight was added, and then I got pregnant with our son. I was pretty sick for the first half  and I wanted meat and fruit. Thanks to this combination, I actually lost weight. When our son was born, I had only gained about 15 pounds from when I first got pregnant and I was extremely swollen. Within about 3 weeks of having my son, I was about 25 pounds below what I was when I got pregnant. I maintained this weight easily, thanks to breastfeeding, until I became pregnant with our daughter. The day our son turned 9 months, we learned that I was pregnant with # 2. This pregnancy was different and I gained weight. I breast fed our daughter but the weight didn't come off and stay off as easily this time around.

When our son was a about 2.5 months from turning 3 and our daughter was about 2 months from turning 1.5, I began staying home. I was happier, we were going to the park and weight slowly was coming off. Sadly things started to change. I finally had to face the facts that the mood problem I was having could probably not be blamed on my hormones. After going to the doctor, I was put on medication for depression. Depression bites and it is so hard to explain to someone who has not been through it or been around someone who is depressed.

I joined a running ground in our neighborhood and while I wasn't really seeing the pounds come off, I was seeing a change in my body. It was hard to get going thanks to all the extra weight I have put on my body. The depression didn't help either when the negative thoughts would start up. One frequent thought was, "you will never look good again in a swimsuit, so why try". Sadly I didn't keep up with the running at the end and of course that meant that weight came back plus some. The initial medication I was put on only helped for a short while before I was struggling again. The doctor added a second medication and so far so good. I still have bad days/weeks but I am on the right track and I am hoping to be off medication by this time next year.

We recently moved and it has been on of the best decisions we have ever made. My husband is close to work again, we love our house, I found a preschool for the kids and I am less than a mile from one of my best friends! Our son recently had his 4th birthday and after watching a video from his birthday, I decided something needed to be done now. I have hated the way I look for a long time and I am the heaviest I have ever been. It is hard to look back at pictures when I was smaller and I dread seeing people that I grew up with because I am so ashamed of what I have become.

I am beyond blessed to have the support of my family and close friends. My husband has not seen me at my physical best but I know how blessed I am to have a husband who still loves me at my physical worst. I'm not sure where this blog will go, and I probably won't share numbers (I'm just not ready for that step!), but if I can help encourage one person then I will be happy.

Right now I am walking 3 miles every other day using two different Walk Away the Pounds videos. My goal is everyday but that hasn't worked out this first week. I am also cutting back on Dr Pepper and working on what I put in my mouth. I'm hoping that I can use this as a way to stay encouraged and to hopefully help others. I know it will be helpful to be able to easily see how far I have come when I forget.